Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello, this is Blair Stanislao with the Happy Lion Center. Welcome to our podcast Mystical and Infamous, where we have playful and easy conversations about anything mystical, getting to the heart of all things, strange and weird. Join us in a bit of magical tomfoolery, spreading the alchemy of love and light. And now we invite you to enjoy the show.

Speaker 2: 0:29

It doesn't matter who we are, it doesn't matter whether it's religious, spiritual, physical. It's what we are fit to do and that changes through time. But there's a certain amount of growing and maturing that takes place through the years and as it does, you begin to realize I've been, I've been readied for the call because I'm I'm at the end and I'm embracing it with all my heart. I, I love it. But it isn't that I am sitting back watching TV although I get to now A little time but it was two days ago that I'm an oblate of the Annunciation Monastery in Bismarck, north Dakota. That means I am connected with the Benedictine lifestyle, because those sisters are Benedictines and they've been there for 150 years or 130 years or something. Anyway, when I was going to school there in my 40s, I embraced their way of life, and so this contemplative life has called me all of my life. And yet it's been very, very clear in my call that I don't work in the church. Although I've worked in the church a lot, I have always gravitated that direction, always wanted to do that, and I've done plenty, you know, director of religious ed, catechist, teacher of religion, all that kind of stuff, of stuff. Okay, so connected, but the call isn't there. It absolutely is not there. When I do education, it's not in the church, although I can teach you all of the, the catechism of the catholic church, and you can decide whether or not you embrace it. Okay, and that's, that's my thinking. It isn't this goal to get you to be a little catholic, it's a, it's a goal to present you with the information you make your decision, okay. So, um, when I went to the University of Mary and I loved their lifestyle and I couldn't figure out, how do I become a monk in the contemporary world, you know, and that's basically what I'm doing and have been floundering around trying to figure out, because it's like all of my work in healing, in healing work, in caring for others, in being present, all of it has been part of that call and I've known that. I've known that since I was a little girl. But it's like the pieces begin to make sense, they're like a flower that opens up in me and now I can see, as I've moved through all of those years, those decades, that I was being fitted for what I'm doing here.

Speaker 2: 3:46

So it pops into my head a couple of days ago, about being an oblate of the Benedictine sisters in Bismarck, and when you are you have taken a promise to remain faithful to that particular monastery. There's a real stability about that kind of choice, anyway. So I was thinking, you know this Richard Rohr has me captivated. I find him absolutely phenomenal, and his people that he puts on his podcasts and has classes I'm going to be taking one, beginning at the end of the month Just the different things he offers are all about the contemplative world, and so my whole goal has been that direction.

Speaker 2: 4:36

So here it pops in, that oblate message You're an oblate of the Benedictines and yes, I am. And what does that really mean to you, besides following a prayer form or being out in the world because you're not behind closed doors in community, because that's lonely, not having the community, because the community helps feed you and give you other ways of thinking. I'm on my own out here. I mean I can read, but I'm on my own for the prayer, for the. You know those kinds of things. And so I, as the, I was thinking that and then I kind of dropped it and yesterday it popped in there really strong and I thought, oh, that's a piece of Spokane now, how that's going to show up and how that's going to work, I don't know. But I also know that I am going to be taking this course from Richard Rohr. Now. He's Franciscan, he's not Benedictine, but the Franciscan sisters in Great Falls have had profound effect on me and they have what they call the secular Franciscans, which are people who attach themselves to the monastery and they live a Franciscan way of life, attached to that monastery.

Speaker 2: 6:00

And because I'm an oblate of the Benedictines, I cannot do that unless I'm released. I promise with the Benedictines and I'm not going to do that. But this has something to do with here in Spokane. It's another little piece of information, along with the Reiki, that's a piece of information, along with doing podcasts with you. That's a piece of the information. I'm learning things and I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is, before I left Great Falls, it was very clear that I will not know what the plan is unless I moved, and I moved. So I didn't find out what the plan is. I also understood, and I don't know how I do this, but I understood. I won't know this before next year.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Oh, so you got that. So what I'd like to kind of touch on, because that was such a beautiful presentation of what it is to navigate, figuring out what your call is. I mean that is sort of what we sort of touched on right at the beginning and it's. But it's really frustrating as you're going through it If you don't like, if you don't have somebody who tells you this kind of thing, you know, like, says you know you're doing fine, just go. You know, listen to your heart, go forward, take one step at a time, right, but if you see somebody constantly doing that, you know you have to remind yourself that and it can be really frustrating Even.

Speaker 1: 7:32

I mean we were just talking about I was going to shift things within my business to be more aligned with what I felt was my call. It's not that I I mean I don't even know what it is fully either but, like I, it's not that what I have done in the past was not what I was necessarily meant to do or my call or whatever. Maybe you can clarify for me. It's not that I feel like I've gone on the wrong path, but I definitely don't feel like it's the what I've done so far has not been the strongest, the clearest. Oh yes, I mean, there are parts that I'm like, oh yes, 100% right. Oh yes, I mean there are parts that I'm like, oh yes, 100% right, but it's not like this cohesive, neat package thing that people present in our Western society. Oh, I've got everything figured out and I'll show you exactly how to do it and that kind of thing that's not how it works.

Speaker 2: 8:16

Not at all, not at all. When you get into the world of spirituality and you begin to learn to listen with those ears, then different things happen and you see the the things will be kind of panoramic sometimes and sometimes they'll just be a little tiny chunk of something that goes oh, because we're paying attention. But learning to pay attention to our call is altogether different than learning a job.

Speaker 1: 8:49

So would you say that learning to pay attention to the call? Of course it's intuition, being in the zone, whatever you want to call it, listening to your heart. Okay, yes, that's the avenue through which you feel like what the call is, but it sounds to me like you're describing the call is, in a way, is like your main purpose in life, in this lifetime. Ok, so, but it's not a purpose.

Speaker 2: 9:16

Say again it's also a purpose that's just on Earth. This purpose is eternal.

Speaker 1: 9:24

OK, so it's the call of the soul, the soul.

Speaker 2: 9:26

Yeah, we can call it the soul. That's because that's, that's what's it. That's what's it within the physical body, and the soul then has a lot of aspects to it that are positive and negative. We just that's human and that's not a bad thing. Even the the negative can be a a little clue to the call if we pay attention and don't view it as bad, bad, bad. Get rid of it.

Speaker 1: 9:58

Oh, you're gonna, you know, you're gonna burn in the fires of hell for that well, I think, um, I think most people from the stories that I've heard so far, I mean, I don't feel like I have completely done it. Maybe I have. I probably have done it and didn't recognize it. But I'm starting to recognize it more consciously now that those bad parts if people label them bad, whatever, whatever you want to call them, but basically they're your struggles, right, those things are the way you have to go through that. You have to heal that. When you heal that, then you, then you have more clarity as to what your call is. But if you're constantly shunning it away, saying, oh that's bad, I want to think about it, I don't want to deal with it, then you don't have clarity because all you're doing is blocking those senses to be able to listen to that intuition.

Speaker 2: 10:48

Well, and we hear that in psychology a lot Avoidance doesn't work. We have to go through it, around it, over it, under it. But we have to go through. We have to. We can do all sorts of things to get through, but we have to go through it, because if we don't, we don't know what's on the other side. We can't get to the other side. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:08

And you know, I want to pull this out because this is a really very, very tangible example of that. Okay, so, yes, my husband died in 2013 and I had my own like thought processes around where where my focus was so first was about the kids make sure that the kids did not think it was the end of the world because he died. Then the next thing I was most concerned about was his parents to make sure that his parents were okay. Of course, I put myself third, which didn't help, but it, you know, whatever, that was the path. But what I noticed as I was going through this because those two things were so important to me, specifically my kids it wasn't just that, but it was. I mean, it was a lot of other things, but you know, I I got around other grieving people, not necessarily physically, I did.

Speaker 1: 11:54

I eventually did this online but, um, what I found was, you know, you're there, you're talking with them, you're feeling similar feelings, you're you're going through it with them, essentially, okay. And then I watched how different people dealt with it, like, what did they do to make themselves feel better? How did they soothe themselves? Well, you have one group that you know, like, one group that I was in was like, you know, christian something or other Christian widows or something like that. So they, they leaned on the Bible or their, their religious upbringing. And then you have other groups of like the one that I enjoyed them with the most was the dark humor group, because they would make jokes about everything, right, and it was definitely the best. And then and then you have different groups to do different things and what I noticed is, like, you know, because grieving is so powerful, it eliminates all, not all, it eliminates a lot of the taboo, the adherence to the belief in the taboo. Okay, so if you take away that's all taboo and you just talk about anything or you embrace whatever's going on, then a lot of restrictions are lifted for you, and I don't mean like you have the freedom to do anything, what you do, but you release that judgment, and so then, when you release it enough, then you can, you can be yourself more. So one of the avenues that I noticed that a lot of people would do to cope, so this is their. I feel terrible, I want to feel better. This, you know, I take an action, whether it's go talk to a group, pray, whatever it is, a lot of them would go down the drinking hole, drinking alcohol or pot or whatever, right.

Speaker 1: 13:40

And as I watched this kind of like unfold in front of me, my father was an alcoholic, so I mean, I didn't necessarily have that much of an opinion. I mean, you definitely have consequences and it can be a real problem, but I don't necessarily shame him or anything like that. Like I don't know, I don't have all that negativity, even though I had an alcoholic father. So I watched this stuff happen, that negativity, even though I had an alcoholic father. So I watched this stuff happen.

Speaker 1: 14:07

And as I'm interacting with these people on a regular basis, I just, I don't know, I just saw that that's just totally a coping mechanism. Like you're eventually going to have to get out of that. So I decided for whatever reason probably because my father was an alcoholic that was some of it is that I wasn't going to do that. Like I didn't really like drinking anyways, but I just wasn't going to do that. It could be very easy to go down that hole, so I just chose not to do that. But I think that's a really good example of where are you like cause you're pushing away whatever's you have to deal with yeah, whereas if you are able to sit with that discomfort, then you're able to kind of, then you have the ability to go through that. I'm not saying it's easy, but you have the ability to go through that and come out.

Speaker 2: 14:52

Every time you go through it and you move through it, you gain confidence that you can do it again. I mean, it comes around and it's always harder. The the challenges in life are always harder. I don't know why they can't get easier, but you can believe in yourself that this too, you can do.

Speaker 1: 15:16

Okay. So if we take that and we apply that to I'm going to use words that I think that most people would use just figuring out what your calling is. So it's not necessarily. Here's my question is do you think it's really? Because a lot of times we'll say it's not about the destination, it's about the journey, right, and in artwork you say it's not about the outcome, it's about the process. You go through the process, you have lots of things happen. How would you apply that to finding your calling?

Speaker 1: 15:49

Because, as a person who was led to the spirit world in whatever form, you want to call that okay. So, like, we'll just say I know I've been there since day one, okay, but it's very hard to articulate that to people, to explain, you know, repeatedly I find myself saying no, that's not my interest. Here's my interest. Like, and it's very close, it's like somebody's asking me to do something and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's, that's interesting. I, you know, I'm drawn to you, I want to do these things, but then I'm like yep, nope, that's not it. Because they say or they do something, I'm like, nope, that's not in alignment with me, but I don't even recognize that I've been doing that my whole life.

Speaker 2: 16:31

And when there are several pieces here that you're talking about that I think are really important, one of them is that consciousness. When we come to a consciousness about something, we begin to interact with a paradigm. The hardest thing in the world to shift is a paradigm, and we will not shift it unless we're challenged to, and we will either keep it and lock in with all of our heart or we will change. Change will change a paradigm. Okay, so when you have this awareness that comes and it doesn't have to be a big life changing thing, but this awareness can come and you realize, oh, oh, I can do this another way, but I don't know how my friends are going to feel about who. I wonder what my dad's gonna say. I mean, I'm talking about being a younger person and I know my mom will kill me. Okay, so there's just different things that can happen in that awareness. Simple one for me Years and years ago I was at a class meeting kind of thing at the church, and I've been involved in a healing prayer group for years and years, and so this particular embracing of this healing life was in a video that was being offered, and there's one thing that was said there and it's stuck with me all these years and it was, you know, are you going to be the one who stands in the gap? And I thought, oh, I can do that, I know how to do that, and I don't know why. I knew that, but I knew it. And I didn't know how I was going to do that, but I knew I could do it. And then there's another piece that you're talking about, and that's the connection of listening when we begin. Okay, there's a whole lot out there. Right now, all the gurus talk about meditation. It started years and years ago with TM and that kind of thing, which was much more stylized and deep and very profound, for people Changed their lives, change their paradigms, and meditation will do that. But meditation also teaches you to get in touch with who the real person is, your higher self. In Christian circles, they would say you know getting in touch with God. Well, okay, whatever you want to put it for a title, I don't care. The point is learn to listen. And when you do begin to listen, it isn't the voices outside, although those have to be there. When we're younger, we listen to more of them and see what they do, to learn what we want to try to see if it fits. There's nothing wrong with that, we need to. But then there has to be this quiet time and that is the hardest thing, in my opinion, to do, because I'm busy. I like to move, you know.

Speaker 2: 19:44

I remember years ago I listened to a speaker named Gene Wiesner. He's from Billings Montana, and he said that he talked with God on the run, that he never had time to stop and do the pray and all of this. But it would be like come on, lord, let's go, and you can talk to me in the car, you can talk to me on the bus, you can talk to me anywhere. And that's pretty much how he did his relationship with his God as he understood. He did his relationship with his God as he understood and I always thought that was kind of interesting, that we each have our own way of listening. Now that was far more masculine, but I've done a lot of that through the years. A lot of that because I've been busy. Who has time to stop? You know, I was taught as a little girl, when you pass the church, you go in and you make a visit and stop and take some time with the Lord. So I practiced that, but I never quite knew what to do.

Speaker 1: 20:38

So some of that was formality a cultural thing you know, but forming paradigms.

Speaker 2: 20:49

But out of that also I could examine, but you that you did do it. You didn't know what you were doing, but you tried it. And that too has lent itself to me in a whole nother way because I aged and I aged with that kind of thinking and that I don't have to go into the church for that. I can go inside me, into my soul, which is where church is.

Speaker 1: 21:15

Yeah, I can remember being. I don't know if I ever told you this, but I can remember being young. I went to an Episcopal school when I was very young, so kindergarten, first and second grade.

Speaker 2: 21:29

Which in my opinion is Catholic. But don't tell people, I said that uh, I, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 21:39

I didn't have any questions then, I was too young. But then I remember going somewhere else and somebody was I don't know. There were like all these, I guess it was. It felt like instructions of how to pray, right? Oh, they're important, they're important.

Speaker 1: 21:57

I know it was different than what I had learned initially and I remember thinking what that's different, and whoever presented it to me, it did feel very important to them and very correct, and therefore that means that any other way is incorrect, okay. But I had developed enough of a connection with those other people that I knew that those other people were not incorrect, right, so I didn't dare tell that person Um, I don't think you're completely correct to say that's the only way, but I kind of just like went with it and that, of course, became like the theme of my life. But what that did is it was kind of like a catalyst to say, oh, this is the right way to do it. And I was like what? No, I don't think so. Like, okay, I'm going to let you have your own opinion about how you do it and I'm going to do it my own way. And, matter of fact, I was so in a. In a way, it's a little rebellious, and I was so rebellious in that way that I was like I didn't tell anybody, I didn't, I didn't say anything to anybody, I was just like, yeah, I'm not doing it that way, it works this way.

Speaker 1: 23:03

I probably did try, for the most part, I do try the way that they present and then I'm like, okay, yeah, that's why I liked Reiki so much, because it was like all of the conversation was really getting at what you're talking about when you're saying this is, you know, church is inside and connecting to your higher self, which people call God. It doesn't matter what it is. It's like these energies that we're describing and how we're connecting with them, which for for another term to describe that what you're talking about is a different way of channeling. What are we channeling? We're channeling our higher self or we're channeling God source or whatever you want to call it. But there is a you can tell a difference between information that comes through that and information that doesn't, if you spend enough time with it.

Speaker 2: 23:51

Well, yes, and if you spend enough time with it, well, if yes, and if you're open, yeah, and that's the other piece. I mean, there are a lot of pieces in the call that that we're talking about here that that have to be there, so that as we move through this process I like your word for that with art, I don't do art, so I didn't know but as we move through this, then we begin to pull this piece and this piece and this piece that come from our cultural backgrounds but have shifted, and they shifted because they had to, but have shifted and they shifted because they had to. You know, my biggest, my first, biggest shift, was in my 20s and I was babysitting a little boy, a baby. He was three months old and he died and it was a horrible, horrible thing. I, I did all sorts of things that day in an order, and crazy things happened. When that happened, I didn't know that I was pregnant with my second child, but I had a little boy at home and he was two years old, and so I called my cousin and asked her to come over to take care of him, because I called the ambulance, I had baptized him, because I knew that his mother had wanted that, they were talking about it, and so I baptized him. And then I called a priest. And when I remember, when the priest came such a kind man, and I mean I remember that, but these are all pieces, I don't know what order all of it happened. But when he came, I reminded him I had already baptized him. I baptized him I remember repeating it several times, he's and he finally said it's okay, I'll just give him a blessing, it's okay, you know, because I knew that once a baptism has these are the rules once a baptism has taken place, it's complete. You know, it's done, okay. So, and in the meantime, my husband called. He never called me during the day, I mean, we didn't have cell phones he never called me during the day and I just told him you've got to come home right away that Greg had died, and he didn't know anything more than that. Or if I said anything, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 26:13

In the meantime, the ambulance came, they took the baby and I went with them to the hospital because I thought I would have to tell the mother. I thought that was going to be my job, and they put me in a room separate from me. And the last thing I remember was that Mickey had come in. She was in the room next to me they must have told her and I heard her scream and um, and I said there was, there was a chaplain there and I said I need to go to her. He said I think it would be better if you just stayed right here. I didn't realize that it I could have been blamed for that, and the pain and the suffering and the grief and shock that hits you when a loved one dies would have been overpowering to see me and I mean I was like 20, 21 years old, so I didn't know any better I just would have taken the responsibility to do that.

Speaker 1: 27:17

Oh, so what a blessing is that they stopped you from going in.

Speaker 2: 27:21

They must have known, if I was coming and I wasn't the mother and I was the one caring for the baby that that was not a good plan.

Speaker 1: 27:29

What happened? Do you mind asking?

Speaker 2: 27:31

No, I don't mind. Um, I had him. He'd never. He'd only rolled over once in the time I had him and I had put him down for his nap on on my bed in in the bedroom. It was a double bed and he rolled, and he must've rolled several times, but he got pinned between the wall and the bed and suffocated.

Speaker 1: 27:51

Okay, pinned between the wall and the bed and suffocated.

Speaker 2: 27:52

okay, yeah and so when I found him, I I mean I I looked at it, he wasn't there and I mean horrible. I I have oh, it's just horrible.

Speaker 2: 28:03

That's all I can say yeah and then my own little boy had woke up and he was in a crib in the living room because we were poor, poor people, young married couple and um, and so I had to be sure he was kept happy and quiet. And I had taken little Greg and I had, like I said I had. First I went to a window and opened. It was colder than well diggers, but in January out there, and and I just sort of put him by the window but thinking the air would shock him, and then I went over to the sink and baptized him and then I put him on the bed but I turned him over on his tummy because he looked more like he was sleeping.

Speaker 1: 28:48

My grief well, I actually my first, huge, my first.

Speaker 2: 29:00

I had never really experienced it. Yeah, and it's those things that mark you through life it's always before this and after that always, and that's when the drinking in me increased. I can mark that as I mean I partied and stuff, but I never thought about drink. I did then.

Speaker 1: 29:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:27

I had a long road to walk.

Speaker 1: 29:30

Well, that was a big deal, was a big, it was a big deal, I mean it was yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:38

But out of it is the good. Yeah, you know, the interesting thing on that whole thing is the mother was very, very kind to me. Yeah, was very, very kind to me. Yeah, I had kept his things, the few things I had his bottle and his blanket and you know some of those things that I had at the house and we had moved. And after we had moved she came with my cousin and she came over to the house to see me and I was able to give her those things I had in the box and I was always so glad I kept them and didn't throw them because I could have in the move, you know, but I knew those things would matter to her. They were the last things he had. Yeah, that day I went crazy. I remember that that was the day the insanity took over.

Speaker 1: 30:31

What do you mean? Went crazy.

Speaker 2: 30:35

Oh, after I lost Greg I went on to have three more children, and all of that time I didn't drink every day, but when I drank I was a problem. I was a huge problem problem. But the wholeness of that event dogged me because I couldn't get past the guilt I felt in losing him. I didn't go to anybody for counseling. I had brought it up to my husband that I probably needed help, and he didn't. He was young, he was an immature white. You know, that's those crazy thinkings you have when you're young that your husband is the one who will guide you. Well, he didn't know any better than I did, but I listened, and that was foolish. I should have gone and gotten some help, but I didn't. And so I had many more years of drinking to salve the pain because of the guilt, and then finally, finally, alcoholics Anonymous showed me what I had done. And you know, it's true, I never put those things together until I needed help and was willing to get it.

Speaker 2: 31:55

You never put what things together, oh you're losing them and going crazy, because I was no kidding, I was nuts, and it was, oh, probably about five years into it before the insanity lifted enough for me to function. And all this time I had children. Yeah, my kids are marked with this.

Speaker 1: 32:18

Yeah, which it's. You know, the more I get into this, the subconscious stuff, so what? What you've touched on several times is, you know, it's a culture, culturally created self is, which, you know, like, yes, collectively we kind of agree to believe certain things, but there's also this, um individual experience. So, um, every human, every person who's a baby, they connect with their parents. However, they connect with their parents or they don't, that's part, or they don't. That's part of it too. Like that's the spectrum.

Speaker 1: 32:53

I don't connect at all, you know, and then I have repercussions of that, or I really do connect, and then I have repercussions of that or whatever. But we all do that. Nobody's exempt from that. And that means you, the person doing this work, it means your children, and I do find it really it's an interesting feeling to be aware of this. And then, you know, I have kids.

Speaker 1: 33:17

So I'm like I'm looking for it because I'm trying to learn this, I'm trying to understand it better. So I'm looking for this everywhere. And now that I can see it more myself, what are these things that I hold on to? That I can see it more myself, what are these things that I hold on to? That is something that I created in my own energy space, which was not thoughts, because it's done before you can speak language, okay, but it's this, these belief systems, that are energetic, and they're not necessarily only words, but these things that I see in myself. I can now see them so much easier in other people because I can see them now, right, like I couldn't see it.

Speaker 1: 33:57

So I went through that and I'm actually just at the end of cutting the ties that bind, which is the process where we what I'm doing now is we will actually just finish it yesterday, which I'm so happy, because I was like, so I'm so tired of I don't know, I don't even know what I was tired of, I was just kind of tired of doing it. I needed a break. I want to like, have fun, be happy or whatever. Not that I wasn't, but for me it was 10 weeks of essentially having my dreams analyzed, which looks all the subconscious, right Okay.

Speaker 2: 34:30

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 34:31

I mean, yes, that's kind of what it felt like. Yeah, that is actually is what it felt like. And I got in about two weeks and I was like, oh, I'm so tired, like I'm just sleeping so much because I'm so tired, but, of course, because I'm trying to remember my dreams, I'm also trying to wake up and type my dreams, which doesn't make for a fluid like sleep pattern. So it's not just yes, and, like I told, I told it. I saw the chiropractor yesterday and I told him I was like, oh, yeah, I'm also doing this process and I feel like I'm going to work at night. That's really what I mean.

Speaker 1: 35:06

It's not like a physical. You know, it affects the physical because I don't sleep as soundly or as long. But yeah, but I can see it in other people and I look for it in my kids, of course, I look for it in my husband, I look for it like everywhere I see this and it is just amazing, matter of fact. So I, I, when I really understood the importance of this, because I do graphic design and art right, that's always been okay. Well, I understand something. I'm like okay, I have an image in my head. Now the question is like how do I create this thing to make it in the world so that other people can understand this?

Speaker 1: 35:47

And so when I'm going through this process, I realized, oh, this is really important, like this is no joke, this is super important, probably one of the most important things. So I need to make something. So I just made in my notebook, I basically did a drawing, made this title and because I'm so tired or whatever, I'm going through this process and I keep thinking I got to go back because you create this list of all these things that you start to recognize, okay, and I didn't like it at first because it was like oh, we're just looking at all the bad stuff, you know, and that's not really objectively true, which is totally irrelevant. You know, I didn't want to be like dogging my mother because I love her, and you know it was. I thought overall it was a good experience, right. But after a while I started to realize, oh yeah, this is actually really important and I think they actually put in the process you can list the good things too, right. But I think that's like just there for people to get over that hump of oh well, they're not all bad Like you have to get past that and you have to just say, okay, well, these are the things that didn't work for me. And so I actually had two columns and then I quit writing in the good column and I was like, well, it doesn't matter, we're not looking at any of that.

Speaker 1: 36:54

So I had these like pages of this stuff and I've been meaning to like put it on this more beautiful drawing page and I just hadn't done it for whatever reason. Well, I finished the last interpretation yesterday and I realized, okay, now it's time to sit down, and I didn't realize it was done. But when I got done, I realized, okay, now it's time to sit down. And I didn't realize it was done. But when I got done, I realized, oh, I was waiting for that time and for that experience to be done so that I could then write the things that I needed to write. If I had done it two or three weeks earlier, I wouldn't have been able to write it as concisely.

Speaker 1: 37:33

The stuff that I wrote was not. My mom didn't stand up for me. I didn't write that. I wrote to be seen by anyone and what I meant I need to go back and change of it. To be fully seen by anyone is a beautiful thing, meaning. So for the, for the process, it was my mother didn't see me right, like my mother didn't see what I needed, what I wanted or what drove me. But that's not really the lesson. The lesson is to be seen, which means you can see yourself too right. But it wasn't until that moment, until I was done, that I realized that's the process. That's cool, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 38:19

And I just want to add one other thing, which is I didn't want to detract from all this other stuff because we're talking about really concrete and poignant examples, but, generally speaking, what I? Um, because I don't love fiction stories, and the reason I don't love fiction stories, not because I don't love the story, it's because I have to remember their names, or if I remember the details that I don't care about, whatever it is Okay, I'm just being truthful here. Um, so, so don't read them. I don't Right, I read until I got to get done with my degree and then I was like I only read what I had to read fiction, wise for that. But um, I don't, I don't read fiction.

Speaker 1: 39:06

My kids, they love fiction and they, they talk to me about it and I just like gloss out, just like gloss out, but what I really did love, and that includes history, because to me, the way that they teach history is here's these facts, you need to memorize them, which to me, as somebody who has struggles with that, reads the historical facts which a lot of people can consider me completely ignorant or whatever negative thing you want to say about me. I read it as this person did this thing. So they're the character in the story and they're doing these things and you're supposed to memorize the same because it's so important, right? Except they also leave stuff out of history books, right, and stories and all that, whatever. That's another yeah, so, whatever, that's the way it's taught is that you're supposed to memorize these facts and then you regurgitate them.

Speaker 1: 39:55

Okay, when I got a degree in art, you have to take art history, you have to take a lot of it. I take four courses of it. I'm not sure if it was like two years or four years, I don't remember because I was just in art history all the time. So, but what I really? Yeah, I think it's cool, yeah, well, so in our history, you look at the most important pieces over time, like you can get our history book and they only put certain pieces in there. Well, why did they put certain pieces in there? Because those pieces were important for, and then they could talk to you all about it, right. Well, what I really loved about it because we covered, like, basically, I think I made it up to like the seventies, 1970s, so, like, from the cave paintings to the 1970s. You can't cover everything, and what I loved about it was that artwork.

Speaker 1: 40:49

If you're looking at history through art, you're looking at what people genuinely felt was important, okay, and, matter of fact, I felt like I learned more about the Bible through art history than I ever did at church. Brought down, yeah, and so that's what I really loved about. Art history is like, well, okay, all these people telling all these stories, let's look at the politicians today, right, like they can say, oh, this is super important, we're going to shoot him in the head Oops, I missed, we hit his ear. Same thing Really important stories, and I'm not saying that they're not important, but over time, you know, like in a hundred years, are we going to be focusing as intently on that particular story about that particular person, or are we going to be saying, oh, there's some other events that were more important than this particular event, right, and so in our history you get that.

Speaker 2: 41:45

Yeah, you get that in religious history too.

Speaker 1: 41:50

Yes, I'm sure. Okay, so the thing is that if you look at history like that, you actually get to see the essence. I think is more accurate, right, you're getting to what's really important, which I think is a good description of what it is to know this God source, energy. Right, it's an essence. It's not the roles that we play, it's not the details of who did or like, for your example, it's not the order in which the stuff was done. It's the importance of those things.

Speaker 2: 42:28

And what do you pull out? And for me in my life, I pull out these things. For me at this age, you pull out these things for you at your age. Somebody in your age group will pull out other things with similar life, but they'll be different. They have to be because the call is different, right?

Speaker 1: 42:51

so you're pulling out what's important for you to understand about your calling Right. So you can take the next step forward.

Speaker 2: 42:57

Because we're looking at our his, her story and that story that we have, we've told and it's been told to us as we have journeyed need this call. We don't get to know the call. There are many through our lifetime. There are many paths to take and we get to make the choices. So this happened to us. Some things went, some things just happened to us. Like that baby died. Yeah, that happened to me. I didn't do anything to cause that and that was a perfectly healthy baby.

Speaker 2: 43:40

It happened, and who knows why those things are allowed to be in our energy field, in our aura, in our life, wherever we are. Who knows why that is? They are allowed and we consider them bad. Some of them are evil, some of them are icky, some are just low life, but they're allowed and they Jesus writes, talks about that in the field, walking through the field of wheat, which was also sowed with weeds, because an enemy came along at night and sowed the weeds. Okay, and the apostle said to him you know? Or the worker said to him should we pull those weeds? No, if you do, you will pull up the grain too. So leave it all, all, and at the harvest, the harvesters will make the decision. In other words, they'll throw it all out and keep only the good okay, so this is what I love about.

Speaker 1: 44:47

I mean, the only experience I had with this was christianity. I'm sure it's in other religions, but the parables it is. We learn as humans. We learn better through story. Absolutely Okay so.

Speaker 2: 44:59

Master storyteller.

Speaker 1: 45:01

Yeah, so Bashar, do you know who Bashar is? Yes, Okay, so I was. I don't watch him all the time, but I, whatever reason, I got pulled to watch him and I watched him and I was. There's all different kinds of levels of things going on, but I'm just going to go right to the core of it. He usually does his little spiel, Then people ask questions. So I was watching this and three people had asked questions. All three of them had some done, some variation of okay, and in another life I was this thing and I played this role or you know whatever. And I say that it may sound dismissive, even though I do pass life regression right, but it is because he articulated in a way and I thought you know what that is, it that's what I can identify with, instead of, like when I first started doing the hypnosis, first it was an experience and then I realized not, then I already knew it, but it was more solidified. Time is not linear.

Speaker 2: 46:03

So why are?

Speaker 1: 46:03

we saying the word past. That's not correct, right? Okay, so I just I don't argue with people about this. If they need it to be past life, that's fine, it's. I would prefer to call it other life.

Speaker 1: 46:16

So you get into this meditative state. We do what's called a regression because we like to use the word past. But these people were talking about that and they're saying, oh, but I'm still struggling with this idea about it. And his answer was okay, look, it doesn't matter if you were part of that lifetime or you were part of this lifetime or you know. What's happening is you're essentially going into the ethers. You're reaching out for energy that you need. And he says you got information you needed from somebody's experience. So you touched into something, you connected to, something that told you gave you a story, that gave you information you need. It is completely and 100% irrelevant whether it was you or it was not you or it was somebody else. It doesn't matter. It's the story. It's like the parables Like you go, you read the story, you understand, you experience what that is and you get it on a different level and you get the lesson. That's why I love the parables per se, but it's such a good example of how I think it works interdimensionally yes.

Speaker 2: 47:31

And you can take that theme. It's universal. You can take any of those themes in the parables and when they reach us universally, they will reach us across all religions, all governments, all societies, all families, all cultures.

Speaker 1: 47:48

I don't wonder. I actually know this. When I decided to start studying astrology in 2016, I eventually had to pick like almost like you, pick a religion, right. Like what method am I going to go with right?

Speaker 2: 48:04

I didn't know that because I'd never done. You know that.

Speaker 1: 48:11

Well, astrology is mainly broken up into two main sectors. Okay, and they're. You've got the. From what I understand, you've got the ones who originated the process, which are the indias, the indian version, which is vedic. Okay, well, they, they have their own culture, they have their own experience, and so they have stories that go with all that.

Speaker 2: 48:29

Okay, it's a very spiritual beings.

Speaker 1: 48:31

Okay, and then, um, after that happened, eventually we have the rise of western civilization and, and they understand, like, but there's also a point at which, where we started to recognize, by looking out at the planets, that the planets are doing things differently than they thought prior. Okay, but it was the Western group of Western, like, you know, greek and Roman who first started with that. So the stories that go with the what we call Vedic system are based in their culture, whereas the Western is based in Roman and Greek mythology. Okay, okay so, but that's the stories, right. So we get the stories from Greek and Roman stories or we get the stories from Indian to to understand the concepts of what's presented in astrology.

Speaker 1: 49:31

Yeah, but it's the concepts. That's what's important. It's not the story, it's not the vehicle, it's not whatever person or character was, it's the ideas behind it which are conveyed, equally the same in each because they're universal in their, in their story or they're from source, right like it's one way of identifying if something's from source always, always, always richer yeah, yeah, and I I wonder too, because there's got to be.

Speaker 1: 49:59

so we're talking about the, the calling, figuring out what your calling is, and you had touched on before and something immediately popped into my head, like you had described. I knew that I, I I didn't know all the details, but what I knew was I needed to move to spokane if I was going to find out, right, so you got to me.

Speaker 2: 50:17

You know, that was that voice and it was said, it was very clear, yeah, but I didn't need to know about it.

Speaker 2: 50:25

I mean, like the waving the red flag in front of the bull, I would not know what it was unless I moved, because it belongs here, it belongs this time, in this, this way, uh, within me, if I'm here, if I'm not, then there would be, there would be a continuation of the. I mean, neither was right or wrong, that's. I think that's really important to know in a call. It's not about right and wrong, good and bad, it's about who I am and how I will fulfill my time here on this earth, within this body. And if I had stayed in Great Falls, I would have continued on the path I was, which was a five-year plan in uh trainings and retreats, as well as work, and then I don't know what else I would have done, but I would have been working on that just in order to be there, because I'm not going to quit yeah you don't quit, do you well, I find it really interesting and going into that space of intuition and listening to channeling right.

Speaker 2: 51:38

It's interesting how some things come through clear like that and some things don't well, I know, and it's because we're not ready some of it, we're just not ready here, uh, to hear it and then to consciously receive it. You know, it stays unconscious until something within us, this higher self, understands when we're ready. And when we're ready, it just kind of goes.

Speaker 1: 52:04

And it is immediate. It is absolutely immediate and I think it's a, I would say you know, it goes across all facets. So I say it's immediate. One of the first times that I remember consciously that had a huge impact on my life, being aware of that was, um, I had dated a boy in high school and college for seven years of I was 21. So it was like a third of my life, okay, and I did the healing. It's a really long time.

Speaker 1: 52:33

At that point I was mad I just spent a third of my life with this person. You know, um, I had done the work and had kind of like it's almost, like it was instant. I mean it was like less than three days, but it was. I had done the work, I had processed the emotions, I sat with the pain or whatever, and something shifted, and I don't know what it was, but something shifted and I mean instantaneously. I like met my who, the person who wound up being my husband, right, like, and when we talked about it, I was like I realized, when I finally met him and I understood the importance of it, I was like, oh, I wasn't ready and it would not have happened any faster. So, essentially, my husband, cause he was older than me. He was waiting for me to finish doing that job so that then we could work. We could actually happen, right? Anyways, I think it comes through like that too, but also like really simple things.

Speaker 1: 53:25

Like we did our group and I'm just going to touch on this but the meditation group that we have, we met Monday and whatever all the things that were going on that caused it to happen the way it did, and it did, and Janelle brought in a message, and the message was exactly what we're talking about today, which is no, no, do you really need to know all the details? You just need to trust in the process. Yeah, it's the journey. Yeah, anyways, we made a video of that and this was one of those things that was super duper clear.

Speaker 1: 54:02

So I'm like I've been very clear by doing the group. I know I want to do it. It's working. Like I've said many times, if this is what I do every day, this is going to be a great problem to have. Right, we did the video. I spent a long, long time creating the actual video and I finally get done with it, and I'm talking to my husband and he's like trying to figure out return on investment. So how much are you going to charge for this video? How many hours did you put into?

Speaker 2: 54:25

it Right.

Speaker 1: 54:27

Okay, bottom line taken care of which of course is not my forte, but he's doing all that and of course I'm starting to realize, oh boy, I really gotta like maybe I should get a lot better at that. But in the, in one of the meditations and I had already decided this before we even made the video, cause in one of the meditations I had gotten the number yes, you're going to go make this video and this is the price. And it wasn't. It comes through in different ways, but this particular time I saw it, I was like, oh, it's $5.99, $5.99. Okay, all right, and I was confident enough. And then I was like, okay, whatever, and I don't have any regrets about that. But you know, like if I had taken the approach of, like my husband, like well, how many hours did you put into it and much effort have you done? And like I would never, I don't know it wouldn't, it wouldn't be accessible to a lot of people because I wouldn't price it at five dollars, 99 cents. You know I'm misnaming.

Speaker 2: 55:24

That's. That's what you were told and that's what you have to follow. If you don't follow those, it comes back around. It comes back around. It comes back around in some form, and that's just the way our lives work.

Speaker 1: 55:38

We have to follow our call and when we don't, we get other chances throughout our life yeah, so that's why learning the lessons is recognizing that you've learned a lesson is a huge thing that you can't put like a numerical something on, you can't like qualify it in terms of humanity, but it's a huge thing to recognize. Oh, I've grown through this, I've gotten better. Yeah, thanks for listening to this episode of mystical and and Infamous Podcast with the Happy Lion Center. Send requests for topic discussions, questions and comments to podcast at happylioncentercom. That's podcast at happylioncentercom Music.